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THE SILLY CON VALLEY REPORT

Return to Sender
It's Not Spam, Really, but it feels like spam. I'm talking about those annoying chain letters people pass around by e-mail. I get dozens of these vapid, annoying and weirdly out-of-touch e-mails every week. They range from outright hoaxes, to sappy sentiments, from political or consumer-action diatribes to urban legends.

I think I know why people send them, too: writer's block. People send generic e-mail messages because they want to converse, but don't know what to say. So they send e-mail written by someone else.

Chain letters have been around longer than the Internet. But e-mail-based chain letters spread faster and wider than paper ones. And the same messages keep coming around year after year, with minor modifications.

If we all pull together, we can end the chain-letter e-mail virus. If an e-mail message written by someone you don't know says, "Forward to as many people as possible," don't. If you're tempted, do a little research first, and if someone sends you a chain letter, please reply with a request that they not do so in the future.

And most importantly: Forward this opinion piece to as many people as possible. It will bring you good luck, wealth and a new car! TRY IT!! YOU WON'T BE SORRY!!!! ; )

You're Getting Sleepy... Sleeeeeepy...
An Australian show-biz hypnotist plans to launch an online self-hypnotism web site (http://www.smh.com.au/news/0106/02/pageone/pageone8.html). Hypnotist Martin St James plans to charge about A$25 per month. The site will be aimed at people who want to lose weight, quit smoking and relieve stress. (But I can think of better goals. How about curing Internet addiction to over priced and potentially dangerous Web services like self-hypnotism?) Inevitably, some folks are going to be "put under," then their computers will crash before they can be snapped out of it. If you learn the site's URL, send it to me and I'll publish it.

Ginger It's Not...
Scientists at Carnegie Mellon University are working on a next-generation pogo stick, which they're calling the "BowGo." They've discovered that by applying technology designed to propel robots, they can make pogo sticks that bounce more than four feet high. The inventors are currently seeking a company to make and sell the BowGo.

Storage Idea That Just Might Stick
A German researcher has figured out how to transform a roll of clear sticky tape into a data storage medium with a larger capacity than 15 CD-ROMs. The researcher, Steffen Noethe, used a laser beam to change branding holograms on the tape to store information. The data is read while the tape is still rolled up. A company called Tesa plans to market storage products based on the technology, which can be erased by simply peeling off a few feet of tape. (Personally, I'd like to see a duct tape version.)

Robot Sheepdog (is a) Ba-a-a-a-a-d Idea
In what has got to be the worst application of robotic technology ever, the Oxford University Computing Laboratory is working on a robot than can herd sheep. Unfortunately, they've discovered that sheep are hard to control, so they're using ducks for trials. Question: Why not just buy a real dog? Is there a looming shortage?

Gotta-Get-It Gadgets
Mad Catz (http://www.madcatz.com) is working on a joystick that zaps you with electricity when you get shot during game play. You'll simply tape electrodes to your forearms, then play your favorite violent game. If you turn the dial all the way up to maximum, your forearm muscles will actually twitch uncontrollably when you get zapped a few times. Now *that's* entertainment.

Here's a keyboard for people often kept in the dark -- the keys light up! Twenty-First Century Technologies' Nite-Surfer (http://home.att.net/~btechinc/pline.html) isn't yet available. The company is currently looking for computer companies and distributors. Stay tuned. I'll let you know when and where you can buy one.

The iCOM Wireless Personal Internet Browser from Interactive Imaging Systems is a strange device based on a cool idea. It's a portable gadget, sort of like a Palm organizer, but with a difference. Instead of a small screen, the gadget has an eyepiece. When you look into it, you see the equivalent of a 21-inch monitor(http://www.iisvr.com/wireless.html), according to the company. It has a built-in Web browser, and can connect to the Internet via wireless modem, LAN, Bluetooth or cell phone. Like all the products in this week's edition of "Gotta-Get-It-Gadgets," it doesn't exist. If the company is to be believed, you should be able to buy one within a year.

Here's another gadget based on wishful thinking. Called Pogo, this 8.5-ounce pocket computer features GSM and GPRS networks with HTML and Flash content. Many of its applications, such as full PIM functionality, built-in cell phone, etc., depend on live Web connections. The company, Pogo Technology, says Pogo (http://www.pogo-tech.com/device_devicespecs.html) will be available "mid-year." Uh, it's June already. Isn't that mid-year?

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